Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need water and some morals
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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