I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
