I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
