I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
