I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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