Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
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