"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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