I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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