i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
