Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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