Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Randomize
