Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I'm just crazy horny about you
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
