I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize