how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
