i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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