that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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