At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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