Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
there's paper in my vomit.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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