I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
