Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
