apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
