Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
