If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
