I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All the doctor said was why
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
