Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
