Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
