You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
