Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
