i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
