what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
