Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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