Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
