I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
worst night to have a conscience
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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