I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
