Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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