i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
