Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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