i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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