If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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