i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
