fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Randomize
