Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize