I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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