Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
how do you play pong handcuffed?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
