it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
