so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
