She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize