I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
