you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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