Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
