Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
tonight lets celebrate not being married
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
