Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
