Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
