today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
