just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Acid is not a monday night drug
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
