Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
