Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
