I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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