So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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