I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
