some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
