bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
