Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
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