I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
