i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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