apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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