unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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