i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
