someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
we should paint friendship bongs
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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