Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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